


Monogamy? More like Mo-not-for-me!

by 42069, BokhandlarnEmilie, Ravenclaw_Cait, tschulie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Golden Egg, Hogwarts Prefects' Bathroom, Makeover, Multi, Polygamy, becoming HOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26338993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/42069/pseuds/42069, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BokhandlarnEmilie/pseuds/BokhandlarnEmilie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenclaw_Cait/pseuds/Ravenclaw_Cait, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tschulie/pseuds/tschulie
Summary: Dobby went to America and got hot, so naturally all the girls want his attention now. Hermione get's a makeover and somehow she, Luna and Dobby end up naked in the Prefects' Bathroom.
Relationships: Dobby/Hermione Granger, Dobby/Luna Lovegood, Dobby/Luna Lovegood/Hermione Granger
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2
Collections: Fanatical Fam's Crackfic Chaos





	Monogamy? More like Mo-not-for-me!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Crackfic written by the Fanatical Fam over on the discord for the Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them podcast!  
> These fics have been created using our favourite bot - Chocolate Frogs - during a game we like to call Crackfic Chaos.

Luna Lovegood was walking up and down the corridor in the 5th floor, thinking about how she really needed to find the right supplies to catch some Wolpertingers, when suddenly a door appeared next to her.

She walked inside and found everything she had ever dreamed of.

Luna gasped as thoughts flooded her mind. It can’t be, she thought, Dobby is not hot! Unless....he’s been to America and got hot without me realising.

Her eyes took in the house elf in his cut off jean shorts and muscle tee, and she held her breath and she realised the finishing touch was black and white converse all stars.

“Dobby?” She stuttered....”where have you been, what happened to you?!”. Dobby turned to her and smirked, and said “I've been in LA, can you tell?”

Dobby then proceeded to tell her "look, I know I'm hot and all now, but it's part of the training... you see... I'm an auror now, Luna. I have responsibility. you didn't take me when you had the chance. We could have had something, but it's not possible."

Luna cried a single sexy tear. She looked at Dobby. She was heartbroken. How could she have been so shallow not to have loved him before? Yes, he had doubled his body mass since starting auror training and his abs looked perfectly lickable but he did not love her anymore. She had missed her chance.

Oh well! Time to move on to hagrid. She wiped away her tear and skipped away.

Skipping off towards Hagrids Hut her mind was still wandering off, thinking about Hot!Dobby (TM). Why didn't he love her anymore?

Whatever... she had more in common with Hagrid anyway.

Then it hit her, maybe she could be an auror too, to make Hot!Dobby (TM) jealous!

She ran it by Hagrid and he immediately agreed with her. "First," he said "we need to send in an audition tape and for that we need to do a-" "MAKEOVER!!!" they both burst out in delight. 

With that Hermione and Hagrid ran giggling into his hut. Hagrid flung open a magically concealed wardrobe and vanity and began proudly showing off all of his make up and outfit choices to an excited Hermione.

She knew exactly what to choose - a baby blue halter top, cut off mini skirt, knee socks, and bright pink high heels.

“Dobby will be SO jealous” Hermione proudly declared as she swished around in front of Hagrid’s mirror. Hermione thought she looked HOT. And she didn’t even need to go to America! All she needed was a little bit of magic from her Hairy God Hagrid and she was good to go.

The next day, she put on her outfit and waited an extra five minutes to make sure she got to the great hall late enough for everyone to see her entrance.

She strutted in, and from the corner of her eye, saw Dobby. All the heads in the Great Hall turned around, as Hermione slammed the doors open. All hot and dressed up she made the path up to the head table her runway. Throwing a wink towards Dobby she conjured a microphone and began to perform.

Her song was epic and Dobby ripped off his hot clothes and started to sing with her.

When the song was over he had tears in his eyes and said "I lost my way Hermione. Being hot... Being an auror... all I want is to be with you and wear my different socks".

Luna was looking from afar as Hermione and Dobby embraced. All this work for nothing. Maybe she should date Hagrid? Or maybe monogamy was overrated...

Fuck it, she decided. I’m doing this. With a subtle tilt of her head, she gestured to the others to follow her to the prefects bathroom, where they proceeded to have the wildest sex, complete with golden eggs and golden showers.

She steadied herself against the side of the bath, breathless and fully satiated. “Who knew such things were possible with golden eggs?” She mused as she mentally took note to do this again as soon as possible!

Monogamy was definitely not for her, but golden showers definitely were! She left the prefects bathroom a changed woman. Her eyes open to the world of wild group sex.


End file.
